3/3/22 + a failing (?) earth
first post 7months into college and nyc — I would say I changed/matured a lot.
Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills, and put your helmets on.
…
Commencing countdown, engines on.
Check ignition and may God’s love be with youuuuuuuu.
THIS IS GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM.
Hello, world. This is Melody to you, 3 months into 2022.
Wow. Revisiting this public diary feels oddly refreshing. I feel out of place seeing myself before and after almost 1/5 of college and maybe 1/infinity of new york.
I’ve been in college and NYC for seven months now. I’ve gained (maybe more than) 15 pounds, confidence (maybe), more comfort in my own body, a more logical but still expanding critical thinking system, a new network of friends, and a newly found peaceful feeling for my confusion of academic interests and the overall trajectory my life is moving towards. In my maturing and navigation of embodying independence, I’ve had to do a lot of unlearning. Most importantly, I am learning to unlearn my previous complacency towards ignoring the consequences of the hierarchy over human differences (ie. race, sex, age). Audre Lorde's Age, Race, Class and Sex: Women Redefining Difference
I dated a boy from nyc. His life is very different from mine. He shares a bunk bed with his mid-20s brothers in his parents’ house. He wants to be a police. He is fluent in Japanese. He is hispanic. He has no internship experiences unlike 95% of the Columbia community.
I liked him because I saw the tenderheartedness he has when saying “I really appreciate your service, thank you” to the server on our first date. But I’ve always known in my heart that I didn’t like him that much enough to keep going without feeling guilty of not liking him more than he likes me. I wonder why we didn’t work out the way we both would’ve liked for any of our relationships to progress. I felt like I couldn’t hold a philosophical, “intelligent” conversation with him, not because he isn’t smart enough, but more so because our cultures, family backgrounds, and, frankly, socioeconomic classes do not overlap. We had nothing in common other than our horoscopes and birthdays (that is one day apart).
This makes me so sad. We didn’t share enough of the same identities to keep our connection going. This man was so kind; I really wish him well. The end of our 5-date-flirtation and three-day relationship begs me to question how the differences in our identities contribute to the ease of our conversation. If everyone has their own unique experiences of oppression because of the different identities they hold on to, then will any of our conversations be sustainable? The more progression/(i guess) more “woke” world will always start by acknowledging intersectionality, but what happens next? Will humans always be separated by our differences?
Is earth failing?
Space Oddity by David Bowie reminds me of Jeff Bezos (CEO of Amazon), Elon Musk (Tesla), and few other multi-zillionaires who attempt to escape from the failing Earth into space. In my First Year Seminar: Women of Color in Science Fiction class, we’ve discussed texts like Octavia Butler’s “Bloodchild”, Carmen Maria Machado’s Real Women have Bodies, N.K Jemisin’s “The Trojan Girl'“ and “Valedictorian”, Franny Choi’s Soft Science, Tina Chang’s “Bitch”, and Hossain’s “Sultana’s Dream”. All of these texts set in an imaginary world (some involving technological advances way ahead of our time now, some set on another planet or dimension) and imagines the degradation/growth (depending on your mindset) of mankind. In these predictions, I saw how much innovations can change the ways and conditions in which humans live. I also saw the competitive, curious, and self-centered nature of mankind consistent to the one I see on Earth today.
Much like the movie Don’t Look Up predicted, I believe that the Riches will not escape the failing earth even on a new planet or new dimension. As “american” equates the american pie and “American” equates nationalism, “earth” equates human nature and “Earth” equates the planet we reside on. “earth” is a culture and an identity sewn into the cognitive bases of mankind.
inconclusive, but hopeful
Ukraine is in my heart.
I shared this with my highschool Literature teacher: “I feel helpless as a person too. our lives r in hands of just a few people. But I think love starts small, and even if things change politically on a large scale, at least we know we can still love the people around us on a small scale.”
I don’t think earth is failing. maybe 30% (I could be SO WRONG on this stats) acknowledges that earth is failing, so maybe 15% (again, I could be WRONG) of them will start treating people with kindness & having the intention to do.
I have hope in earth.
Small joys & Stuff I’ve been enjoying:
Podcasts
I am a researcher and graphic designer on Grey Matters Columbia University’s Brain Banter podcast. I love working to un-complicate neuroscience jargon and making conversations with professors more accessible to people (like me) who are too timid to approach them in person.
Modern Love — this is an all time favorite.
Friends!
Spring!
Picnics & Study Sessions on the Columbia Lawn (I’m pretty sure the University care more about these small areas of grass more than their student workers — ha ha, just kidding!)
Books:
I need to read more.
Looking Forward to:
Anna Laytham & Julianna coming to NY!
spending more time with Dorothy because she’s in the city
visiting Canor in Dublin! going on hikes & willingly getting happy-shit-faced on the two day St. Patricks day celebration
studying for my Econ midterm & learning more.
my parents coming at May
having my own space in NYC
Ask me a question! I love thinking about them and potentially coming up with an answer (or just a thought process) that I can share here.
Keep your head high. There’s always a new morning each day.
Love you,
Melopee